The “Sexy” Trap

Staging intimacy needs to be ethical, efficient, and effective because it’s not just about the intimate moment: it’s all about telling the story. At TIE, we know moments of theatrical intimacy need a little extra TLC, but the moments surrounding intimacy, or even around the idea of intimacy can cause problems of their own.

The Problem

Social ideas of sexiness trick students into thinking sexy needs to look a certain way, sound a certain way, and move a certain way. Women try to make themselves impossibly small, restricting their breath, movement, and character choices. Men tax their bodies, straining their voices, creating tension, trying to perform a “manly” version of bigness. Non-binary actors can feel lost or forced to choose between hyper-binary ideas of how sexy “should” be.

It’s a real life behavioral Photoshop.

These ideas of “sexy” get in the way of truthful acting and they limit the types of stories actors have the opportunity to play. Missing the truth of the moment and “acting sexy” can drag a production down and can feel like a minefield to navigate as a director or educator. Giving an actor a note about untruthful “acting sexy” can make them feel nervous and actually make the problem worse. Trying to address it with action-based direction can help with the choices, but misses the vocal and physical issues. Fixing “acting sexy,” like staging intimacy, is all about having the right tools to describe the movement in a desexualized way.

Get out of the “Sexy” Trap

Story

Always come back to the story. Just ask the actor to explain why their character is in the room. Ya know, acting stuff. It will help with the nerves.

Breath

Shallow breath is a giveaway of “acting sexy.” Try big sighs and shaking it out on a yawn. Think about letting the release of breath release your shoulders and shake it down into your pelvis. Those deep, full breaths will help with the next tip.

Gravity

If the actor doesn’t understand their weight, it reads as nervous or stiff. There are lots of reasons actors are timid to be truthful with their own gravity. Help actors ground by trying some contact improvisation or weight sharing with partners.

It might seem a little out there, but nothing teaches grounding like squats. I know. Bear with me.

I highly recommend actors learn how to squat. Maybe even with a little (or a lot) of weight. The movement requires a supported core and causes the actor to literally drop their weight and engage their musculature. Pushing out of the bottom of a well-executed squat is a perfect opportunity to practice being fully grounded. Obviously, this isn’t an option for everyone, but it is one of my favorite shortcuts.

With any exercise-type of suggestion, I always drive home that this is about strengthening their instrument, not about physical appearance. Contact the student wellness center or a local gym and find a qualified instructor so everyone is working with excellent form.

Alignment

“Acting sexy” lends itself to hyper extended thoracic spines for everyone! Focus on alignment and allowing the head to float to reduce the thoracic thrust forward. A good roll up and down the spine solves a lot of problems.

Tempo

Nervous actors speed everything up and telling them to relax just makes it worse. Give them clear instructions about slower tempo to help tell the story of a more confident seduction. Or vary the tempo of a simple movement to help physically shape the story. If “slower” and “faster” aren’t doing it, try counts. For example: “That gesture is happening over about a three-count right now. Could we try an eight-count a big, low breath?”

The Confidence Trick

It can be tempting to encourage confidence in an actor when they seem reluctant to let their “sexy” mask go. Resist the urge to address their confidence. A nervous performer being told to be confident gets even more nervous. A performer that genuinely felt confident will now worry that they aren’t enough. Skip all of that worry and address the physical symptoms instead.

Images of sexualized bodies inundate us every day. Those ideas make their way onto stage, and we see real bodies trying to Photoshop themselves to look “sexy.”

Talk story, not sex. Talk physical choices, not confidence. You can break them out of their “acting sexy” box and it will serve them well throughout their training.

Need more? Reach out. 

Welcome

Hi. I'm Chelsea. This is Theatrical Intimacy Education. 

We stage intimacy.
We want to teach you how to do it.
Actually, we want to teach your whole department how to do it.
That's why we started a company. 

We're here to make it all less weird. 

We began this work because we saw a problem and we are here to fix it.  

So many theatre artists have had experiences with insensitive, unethical, awkward, or traumatizing direction in scenes that involve physical intimacy, nudity, or sexual violence. So many were left wondering if they did something wrong, or worse, if they should just toughen up and take it. Incoming freshman at colleges and universities have already seen enough “just kiss her’s” to last them a lifetime. The professional theatre echoes this awfulness back to us hundredfold. 

We are here to end it. 

That’s why we choose to focus on changing educational theatre. By working from within the educational system, we can change the profession. By training emerging artists in ethical, efficient, and decidedly desexualized practices, we can take out the creepy weirdness of staging intimacy in our profession for good.

The Guiding Principles: Ethically, Efficiently, Effectively

Ethically

Desexualized language and consensual choreography is the backbone of the progression we teach. We will be thinking about finding an oppositional rock with their partner, opening and closing distance, visible power shifts, and weight of contact. We don’t talk sex positions or use sexual language. We don’t need to. We give the power back to the performers and give you the tools to create safe, professional, dynamic choreography that meets everyone's needs, all while respecting the boundaries of the artists in the room.

Our work establishing clear boundaries will delight your Title IX office, and fewer students will cry in yours.

Efficiently

Our work will never grind your process to a halt. If our methods can’t save a director time, they won't use them. If they don’t use them, we aren’t getting our progression out there. We teach you how to use our progression so that your department’s precious resources can go towards things your department needs. By working from a tested progression with easy to follow steps, any director, regardless of experience, can make staging intimacy an easy part of their process.

We make you the expert to save everyone time and money in the long run.

Effectively

A scene built on feelings won’t last. A scene built on solid choreography can withstand tech week, finals week, and will hold up through closing night. A progression that empowers the performers to approach intimacy the way they approach every other scene allows them to focus on storytelling, rather than worrying if their scene partner is trying to make out with them. It makes for better rehearsals, better productions, and moves us towards a more impactful theatre.

We give you the tools to choreograph exactly what you need to tell your story without turning your rehearsal room into group therapy.

We are Theatrical Intimacy Education.

We are dedicated to empowering artists with the tools to ethically, efficiently, and effectively stage intimacy and sexual violence in educational theatre. We teach workshops, train faculty, guide students, and stage quite a bit of intimacy ourselves. We are scholars, artists, directors, and educators.

Our goal is to change the industry from the inside out. We each have a story about how we ended up here, but we are here to change the story for students. If staging intimacy ethically, efficiently, and effectively can be as natural in your department as thanking a stage manager, we will have done our job.

We are here to help. Reach out. Send us a message. Let's get started.